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Friday, October 30, 2009

Long week but it is Friday so hope you enjoy!!

Ready for the weekend? You can tell that I'm writing this from a standpoint of looking over 140 homes the last 4 hours.

What amazes me is the ignorance and stupidity of so many in the profession, our the lack there of for the people that invest or buy a home that pays there bills.

So ready or not here it comes so you might as well begin it with a smile on your face.

Here to help is a quick guide to real estate lingo and sales-speak that would put even the best double-talking politician to shame.

Who knows, it might even help provide a different perspective on properties while you are out and about this weekend.

Low/No Maintenance Yard : The former owners paved over everything so there is no grass for the kids or pets. Forget buying a lawnmower and opt for a pressure washer instead. As a plus, parking is plentiful.

Quaint : So small only one person at a time can enter the kitchen and three is a full house.

Move-In Ready : We painted and called the carpet cleaner.

Seasonal Creek : Flash flooding alert!

Neighborhood Watch : The busy-body that lives next door knows everyone’s business and will call the police to report your dog the first time it gets out.

Country Living : Bring emergency rations since you are sure to get lost trying to find the property.

Cozy : Leave your king sized bed and overstuffed furniture behind.

Three Season Sunroom : Non permitted addition without insulation.

Near Transportation : Jets fly overhead, school bus stops in front yard and interstate is 20 feet away.

Nature Lovers Delight : Raccoons rip through the trash 3 times per week and your car insurance will go up after colliding with deer every year.

Energy Efficient : So small you can use a camp stove to heat the house.

Close to Everything : We didn’t sell when we should have so they built the mall around us.

Corner Lot : Constant traffic or the local neighborhood hang-out where kids of all ages congregate 24/7 and neighbors walk their dogs to do their ‘business’.

Meticulously Maintained : All original fixtures, appliances, cabinets and carpeting dating back at least 20 years or more.

Desirable Neighborhood : 20% premium based upon snob appeal.

Stunning Views : You will need a 4x4 to get up the driveway.

Lots of Storage Space : Unfinished attic or basement that is too small to do anything else with.

Completely Remodeled : Meaning you are buying our property, and the only one worth buying on the MLS!! See the link below!!

click the following URL to see listing

For an end buyer this house is brand new, nothing that needs to be done.

For an investor this is a house that will rent in a week and cashflow $500+ per month from the gate.


How is that for a comedic education wrapping up a Friday!!

See you at the top! "Bitches"




  1. Don't forget "Charming!"
    This means hopelessly outdated and worn.

    Have a good weekend!


  2. My favorite is "Seasonal Creek : Flash flooding alert!"